Watching Daily At Wisdom's Gates

  I agonised about what to do after uni, agonised that I made the wrong decision, and agonised myself into a psychotic episode. I deluded myself that a friend from uni could be more than a friend, and became infatuated with her. When it became apparent that we were just friends, I also started thinking the end was nigh and that the world was about to end. I wasn't sleeping or functioning well. I was in cloud cuckoo land. My parents tried to get me to take medication to settle me down, but I thought it would kill me before I was killed by a mob (!). When it didn't I overdosed, leaving a note to say they'd be better off without me. Thankfully, I was taken to hospital where I recovered physically for a few weeks. Emotionally, I was still a mess. I didn't like my medication, which I felt 'zombified' me. A few years later I came off the medication and had a relapse. That's for next time though.

  ‭Psalms 23:5-6 NIV‬ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.23.5-6.NIV God provides for His people in the midst of the persecution they face. We proclaim the Lord's death until He returns, as we partake of the table where we eat bread and drink grape juice in memory of Christ. Similarly, His body was broken, and His blood was shed for us. We're anointed with the Holy Spirit if we trust in Jesus. If we truly believe in Him, we will allow the Spirit to transform our lives. We don't continue in rebellion against God. Even if we sometimes try to run away, God's goodness and mercy continue to pursue us. He doesn't give up on us even if from time to time, we might give up on Him. Our salvation depends on Him, not us thankfully. We have a wonderful...

  God humbled me, but it took the death of my grandad to do so. There had been glimmers of conviction previously. When my grandma read a children's edition of Pilgrim's Progress, the descriptions of hell scared me. It wasn't until my granddad's deathbed conversion that I saw the impact that Jesus could have practically. My family had hope and joy, even in the face of death, through faith in Jesus. A few days after he died, I simply asked mum how I could be saved. I finally realised I needed salvation. She quoted 1 John 1:9 which says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I prayed to God to forgive me because of Jesus's death on the cross on my behalf, and immediately felt relief. It was the peace of the Holy Spirit, assuring me that I was now a child of God. I asked mum 'is that it?' as tears of joy streamed down my face, but I knew that was it, despite the lack of lightening or a...

  I was born, of course, at a very early age! I'm so old that the Cold War hadn't even ended yet! My parents, like most Brits of their generation, were from nominally Christian homes. Thankfully, each of them came to a real and living faith in the Lord Jesus; they met each other, married, and eventually (after two other sons) they had me. So I was brought up in a Christian home, attending church from being a babe in arms. One of my earliest memories is sitting on my mum's knee and hearing a preacher talk about the return of Christ. I imagined being walked by mum in a pushchair when the end arrived. To be honest, being well taught in the Bible made me a religious hypocrite. As the Bible says itself, 'knowledge puffs up'. I was proud of knowing most of the answers in church kids clubs, and arrogantly assumed I was a Christian who God must be pleased with. Pride might be celebrated in the world today. Yet as far as God's concerned, it's the original sin tha...

  ‭Psalms 23:4 NIV‬ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.23.4.NIV When God leads us, life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes He leads us through dark valleys. Yet even there, in the midst of the darkness, He presences Himself with us. God isn't always a warm, comforting presence, even for His people. There's times He needs to discipline us with His metaphorical rod. We need to have the humility to bear the chastisement we deserve. God's staff might be uncomfortable when He draws us back onto the narrow way. Yet it's essential for straying sheep like us. We need Him to keep us on the straight and narrow. We can't do life alone. We need the Sovereign presence of our Good Shepherd. He laid down His life for us, so that we might live forevermore. 'Lord our Shepherd, please walk with us through the darkest valleys, and even...

  ‭Psalms 23:1-3 NIV‬ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.23.1-3.NIV The Lord being our Shepherd is humbling, not just for us, but for Him too. We might be spiritual sheep, but shepherds end up smelling like sheep and doing a job that's looked down on by the more well to do. The Lord might be the Sovereign of the universe, but He's happy to shepherd us too. God isn't proud. He doesn't refuse to roll up His sleeves and get His hands dirty for us. He wants what's best for us. As silly sheep spiritually who naturally wander, we should keep close to the Shepherd. We do so by meditating on His word and communing with Him by His Holy Spirit. We need to keep in step with Him. God guides us along right paths. Even if it's through death valley, He will bring us safe through to the...

  ‭1 Peter 5:8-9 ESV‬ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. https://bible.com/bible/59/1pe.5.8-9.ESV The Christian life isn't a walk in the park. By all means we can have a sense of humour, but we should be sober-minded. The life of faith is no laughing matter. We're to be watchful. We're not just to idly cruise through life. We need to look out for spiritual danger. Jesus *is* the Lion of the tribe of Judah. The devil is only *like* a lion. Nonetheless, he is still a formidable adversary. We need Jesus to give us the victory. Although we're to flee temptation, we can resist the devil. We can say as it were 'not today satan!' We're to stand firm in our faith. We're in the same boat as countless other brethren. When we feel like we'...

  ‭2 Corinthians 4:18 ESV‬ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. https://bible.com/bible/59/2co.4.18.ESV I'm reminded of the blind man that Jesus healed. The world says that seeing is believing. The Bible says that believing is seeing. The blind man believed Jesus is from God and could heal Him. The religious people however claimed to have spiritual insight, but they were blinded by their own power-hungriness to who Jesus is. We're not to look for earthly acclaim. We're to see that our purpose is to glorify our Lord. If we only saw suffering, persecution, blood, sweat, toil and tears, we'd get pretty depressed. If however we look forward to all that God has in store for us, we'll be filled with hope. We don't have to just cross our fingers, but we can trust in our crucified and risen Lord. We can't see God right now, but by fa...

  ‭Isaiah 53:6 ESV‬ All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. https://bible.com/bible/59/isa.53.6.ESV I love how honest the Bible is about what we're like spiritually. It doesn't flatter us. We're like wandering sheep! Sheep are naturally silly animals. By default they wander. We're no better, spiritually. Like foolish sheep, we think we know better than God. We go our own way, and get in trouble for it. We need the Lord as our Good Shepherd. The Lord is our Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. We can be delivered from our waywardness through faith in Him. We need to stick close to Him. 'Good Shepherd of our souls, we're so grateful that You bring us back from our wandering. Please help us to stick close to You. For the glory of Your name, amen'.

  I want to take us on a whistle-stop tour of the old testament prophecy of Habakkuk. Firstly, is it ever right to complain? It's never right to moan behind someone's back, but it can be okay to take legitimate complains to whoever we have a problem with. For example, if you don't like my writings, feel free to complain, and hopefully I'll take your complaint on board. Secondly, is it ever right to complain to God? After all, He is righteous, just, holy, good and perfect. Surely we have no right to complain to Him! God might be good, but the world is bad, and because He is sovereign, we can complain to Him about the state of the world and ask Him to do something about it. Habakkuk complained like this to God, and the Lord didn't tell Him off. Instead, God graciously answered Habakkuk. Most old testament prophets gave God's message to the people. Habakkuk is more of a conversation between Him and God, that we get to eavesdrop on, to be flies on the wall as it...